March 26, 2007~~2:41 p.m.
Tipometer...

The husband and I went out to lunch yesterday. I am pretty sure we had the lamest waiter of all time in terms of desire to provide service. Seriously, I was ready to get a little snotty about it, but I was afraid he might spit in my food or something if I pissed him off.

We had a little fun at his expense, pretending we were the Americ@n Idol judges critiquing his performance as a waiter...

"Yo yo yo... check it out... check it out, Dawg... it just wasn't good for me... you gotta bring it every time... it just wasn't good, dawg."

"Well... let me start out by saying you look great. The red Chevy's shirt is kinda laid back... you're workin' the bling in your ears... it's a good look for you...."

"But this is a SERVING competition. It's not about looking good or.. what did you say.. *working the bling*.. it's about serving and, frankly, the service, I thought, was rather cabaret...maybe not even that good."

When we finally got our food, the husband's order was messed up, but there was no way we were going to ask to have it fixed; we might never see it again.

So anyway, it took me back to the invention of the "your tip sucks because the service sucked" cards I suggested a few months ago so that those who rely on tips for their income would be able to tell the difference between appropriate feedback and cheapskates. I was thinking about how that sort of backed into a solution to the problem and how the *system* could be improved. So here's my brilliant new idea.... the tip-o-meter.

Mounted on the edge of your table, it would allow you to offer continuous feedback throughout your dining experience. You'd start it at 20% as soon as you were seated, then adjust it's reading as the service unfolded. Go that extra mile to help me order my food so that it will be prepared to my specific dietary needs or get that screaming toddler at the next table something quiet to keep him entertained so we can dine in peace? Watch that tip rise to the top like cream. Take too long to ask if we need drinks? Offer refills and then never show back up? Go clear dishes from other tables between taking our order and delivering it to the kitchen? Slide that baby on down to 15%.

This device would allow servers to immediately improve their performance based on continual review by each customer. Of course, patrons would have to be respectful of limitations, within reason, communicated by the servers. "I'm sorry, their was a bean disaster in the kitchen so your meals will be a little longer than usual." Fine. Totally reasonable, no negative feedback necessary. But just disappearing for HUGE chunks of time while our glasses sit empty? Not okay and your tip... slip slidin' awayyyy.

And right below 0% on the tipometer... "It may be time to consider other employment."

~Alice