October 13, 2007~~5:46 p.m.
The rare entry about sex...

Am I the only person who ever wonders why something that is, essentially, the same physical act can seem so phenomenal sometimes and so *not* other times?

I'm not usually one to write about sex here, but last night... seriously, it was the best I've had in YEARS. Nothing was really *that* different, though, from a typical romp at my house. But it was.

I'd like to analyze it, figure out precisely how to capture it again, but I don't think it's quantifiable in that way. And besides that, I don't really want to get into a conversation with the husband that would leave him pondering the degree of my satisfaction every time we get amorous. Plus, I know that I tend to overthink things and that it does tend to get in the way of my ability to focus on and enjoy the moment, so it just seems like a bad path to set myself on.

But it's hard to live with "good" or even "great" when I know that it can be "over-the-flippin-moon fabulous".

I think I've thought for a while that because we've been together for so long, the sort of excitement that comes with newness is long forgotten and that having anytime-access is so much less hot than not knowing where one's next meal is coming from. But now I'm thinking those things really have nothing to do with my problem.

It is, almost certainly, me. Nothing is different. Same people. Same chemistry. Same everything, really... well, except the mind-blowing result that has stuck with me all day.

Almost to a fault, the husband never leaves me unsatisfied, but this entirely different. I am beyond even my wildest dreams of what satisfaction could mean.

It'd sure be cool if we were just hitting some new stride... but I'm thinking it's probably more of a fluke. That's just the sort of optimist I am.

~Alice