April 05, 2008~~3:21 p.m.
I'm 40 now... and it's okay.

I had a fabulous spring break in Southern California. A fun 40th (still, ugh) birthday at Disneyland, a great time at the beach with my family, and then four days of *me* time before heading back home. I spent time hanging out with one of my closest friends (who, incidentally, I met through Diaryland) and hooked up with Baggy, who I've known here for years, for the fish tacos we've been talking about forEVer. Good times.

Returned home last weekend for a day of regrouping before the collapse of Aloha Airlines, with whom we were ticketed to fly just eleven short weeks from then. Hours on the phone and a little over three grand later, we had new tickets on United. Much less desirable tickets, leaving Sacramento at 6:00 AM, but at least we found a flight with space.

I'm not thrilled about traveling with United, but I wasn't going to give up my vacation OR pay more. So, United, and their farmed-out customer service, it is. Ten weeks from now, I'll be on the beach; that's what matters at this point.

I'm sad, though, because we loved Aloha. Great people. Great Airline. And 1900 jobs lost, that's a lot worse than the inconvenience I experienced.

So, I'm forty now. It doesn't feel so different... I guess, mostly, because I don't really think about it.

The bigger difference in me is the fact that I spent my 40th year really changing my lifestyle and I'm a totally different person than I was when I turned 39. I'm down almost seventy pounds (which I hesitate even to document because rather than feeling proud of the work, I'm disgusted by the starting place). I workout... and LOVE it. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm the *me* I always wished I could be.

As it turns out, it takes a lot more than wishing to transform one's life. Go figure.

I'm a little uncomfortable with the attention sometimes, as some people feel the need to comment on the change everytime they see me. While others, like the husband, seem to have been so clearly focused on the inside of me that the thinner me is no more attractive than the old me.

Doesn't matter though. This was not about changing for anyone else. This was about changing for me, which is precisely what made the difference. And I feel hot. Hotter than I ever felt at 30.

So there. 40 isn't so bad. In fact, quite the opposite.

~Alice