2001-06-12~~10:43 a.m. [Part One from last night] Dear Elle, I am realy realy realy realy sory that I torcherd you. I crid all night. I am not going to alow me to play Nintendo or wach T.V. until the rest of this month and next month are over. I’m also going to do your chores for a week. Agen I’m sorry. Sinserely, Shoe P.S. It was realy hard to get to sleep last night. I am very proud of him. I think his apology demonstrates that he put a good amount of thought into the seriousness of what happened and that he displayed an appropriate degree of remorse. Elle slept in. When she drug herself out of bed and down to the guestroom to watch TV, Shoe reminded her that there was no TV without a written apology. She went back to her room and produced the following. Dear Shoe,I’m sorry for reminding about all the times you’ve been in trubble. I wish we could have slept in our fort together. It would have been so much fun. We need to remind Mom and Dad tomorrow to take us to the movie store. Love, Your sister Elle Huh? Was there an apology in there? Sounds more like a pen pal letter. She was told that it was not acceptable and that I expected her to actually think about what she had said and demonstrate that she is sincerely sorry. “I don’t know what else to write.” said the star student who ALWAYS has plenty to write when it is time to kiss up to the teacher at school. I suggested that she think about what caused the problem. Why did they not get to sleep in the fort? Maybe she should consider focusing a little more on what she has to be sorry about. She was not happy about having her first letter rejected. She rolled her eyes and went off to write a new letter. I found the following re-write on my bed when I got out of the shower. [She was in the guestroom watching TV. Apparently she had already decided, in my absence, that letter #2 was “good enough”.] Dear Shoe, I am sorry about what happend last night. I really should not have reminded you about all those bad times. I’m sorry we could not have slept in our fort because of what I did. I love you. Love, Elle Okay, it’s better than the first. This time she produced, in the shortest form possible, exactly what I suggested. Sort of. I called her into my room to talk about version two. She faced me smugly. I told her that this letter did a better job of addressing what happened and the role she played in causing the problem and that I was not going to make her try again, but I still didn’t think that she sounded very sorry. Her words did not strike me as being very sincere. I’m struck by her use of the word “reminded”. She “reminded” him about all the bad things he’s done. I don’t think she was trying to remind him. I think she was saying hurtful things in an attempt to show him that he is stupid. And I told her so. “That’s what I said.” No.. no it isn’t what she said at all. She stares at me, cold and blank, while I prod for details about her thought process desperately trying to get her to admit to having done ANYTHING wrong. It’s futile. I’m getting angrier and angrier. I don’t want to deal with it. I hate being the parent who stays home and gets stuck with all the discipline. It’s not fun. I want to be the guy who breezes in at 5:00 and gets to ask them about their days over dinner. I am not in the mood to have my entire day ruined dealing with the aftermath of last night. “We’ll see what Daddy thinks of the letters when he gets home. Go take your shower.” -Alice |
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