December 29, 2008~~6:39 p.m.
Alive and kickin' .... No WAY!

Life is good and then it isn't and then it is again. In spite of how much I've changed, I'm really no different.

Had a very difficult time with Elle's birthday and the transition to Christmas this year. Same old story everyone is sick of hearing and no one understands, I still miss my mom.

It's different now, less intense; I certainly don't cry everyday, but the *events* present themselves like salt in open wounds. Do the world a favor, don't die before the people who love you are expecting.

On the outside, I am a different person. I am at my goal-weight for the first time in... I don't know... my LIFE. I look good (for forty) and feel fantastic. It's amazing; I wish I'd possessed the discipline and motivation to gain control sooner, but now is better than never.

It is a little bit weird, though. The person I see in the mirror sometimes catches me by surprise. Strangers are nicer, more interested in me. And everyone who isn't a stranger wants to talk about my transformation.

I'm mostly happy for my kids because I'm sure that it feels better to have a moderately hot, trendy mom than a fluffy mom. My seventeen year old and I can share clothes and give each other piggyback rides. We're closer than ever (though I expect that has more to do with her maturity than my weight-loss).

Life at home is good... it's life inside my head that seems to f*ck with me.

Maybe I'm just crazy.

I should probably quit my job. Children shouldn't be in the charge of crazy people. :)

~Alice